David Bissonette

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

Sacha Guitry

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Hemant Joshi

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.

Socrates

By al l means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

Dumas

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Sigmund Freud

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?

Anonymous

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Henny Youngman

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”

Sam Kinison

“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”

James Holt McGavran

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”

Patrick Murray

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.”

Nash

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.

Anonymous

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…

Henny Youngman

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Milton Berle

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.

Anonymous

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Anonymous

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classi